I Can’t Do It All!
I feel like I get all the never-ending jobs at home. The dishes, the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping and the planning. This ship is smooth sailing, but with a lot of effort.
There once was a time that I took great pride in how together my home ran. Like a well oiled machine. Like a brand new car. But now if feels more like an old Buick with 300,000, miles. It certainly isn’t pretty anymore. And no matter how clean it is, it still looks messy. What happened?
I just want a break.
I NEED a break.
I’ve been a mom for 18 years. In the beginning it was beautiful. It started when I was pregnant. I would plan out the meals for the week, write out the grocery list, clean the house from top to bottom every day. I knew what bills were due when and they were paid with plenty of time to spare.
I was the one that brought the amazing salad and deviled eggs to every BBQ or friendly get together. I was able to find the best sales, and second-hand stores to keep my home on the tight budget; I kept it meticulously. I had every detail covered. It was simply beautiful.
But these days it is different. I have six kids living in three homes who are all into sports and activities. Schedules are never consistent and there are always last minutes disasters and events. I sometimes forget to pay a bill and get a late notice. It seems that the low fuel light is always on when I am running late and have a dozen places to be. And the fridge is always filled with what once was a healthy vegetable but is past edible and on the slimy side (sorry, gross, I know).
Our budget is not near as tight and thank goodness because I have no idea what sales are going on and I usually shop at the very last minute for clothes and supplies that the family knows they need but don't tell me until the last minute. I just want some help.
This whole mom thing was so much easier when we had no money and I had no dreams outside of creating a loving home.
I took for granted that it was easy because it was my whole life. It was NOT easy.
Plus, I was in my early 20’s and my dreams consisted of a healthy baby or two, a happy husband, a clean and organized home with maybe a full nights sleep once in a while.
Today my dreams are filled with running my business, supporting my husbands dreams, kids who are responsible, caring, and independent, wine once in a while, sushi a little more often, and a clean sink.
When I think back to how good it felt to be living my dream with my tiny and healthy babies and my small but organized home I wonder how that felt so damn good then and now it is not enough.
I want more.
I want both worlds.
And there is my problem.
I can’t get all the jobs done in my two lives-two worlds. I must choose or find a compromise. I don’t want to compromise.
I LOVE my current dream. My dream 20 years ago was great, but I did it, I created it, and quite well I might add.
Then a few major life changes occurred and I went from living my dream to just trying to survive. To be quite honest, in hindsight I can see that my dream changed and so did my world but my day-to-day did not. That was when life started getting hairy and struggles really kicked in. I felt lost and left behind.
I noticed friends and coworkers who seemed to have the perfect life-and it wasn’t what I thought a perfect life looked like. They we’re creating and growing and exploring. They didn’t care about diapers or dishes or PTA.
They had a life that seemed to be for them, not others. I wanted that, but felt it was selfish.
It is a strange thing to hold yourself to different standards than others and not think it is egotistical.
I didn’t judge them for not putting their family first, but I judged myself for dreaming of that life. I don’t recall wondering if they were once like me where their family and home came first. But I am sure it is part of "growing up", of becoming you.
So, how do they let that old world go and grasp the new world so eloquently?
How do they change who they are and what their dreams look like and still keep all the good stuff?
I ask myself these questions and I wonder if I am the only one who is stuck in between dreams due to an anchor to a lovely life built in the past and an unsure future filled with excitement, dreams and a lot more work?
Then I take a look at all my clients’ issues and obstacles. They come to me in their 30's, 40's and 50's struggling with weight gain, digestion issues, stress overload and just plain exhausted. And I give them support and suggestions and permission to be themselves. I give them permission to make mistakes, to be lazy, to delegate their responsibilities and to take some time to relax. To really dig into what it is they want to feel.
BAM! There it is. Like most experts I didn't even listen to my own advice.
I bet I have spoken to a hundred women feeling just like I do in the past few months. Stuck between dreams and expectations. Running in circles to meet all the expectations that they don't even realize come from themselves-not others. I
It is time to make my life MY LIFE.
This brings me to a book I have been working on for several years. A system and a strategy to a simpler life where your dreams and desires are important and respected. I am still working out the name, but right now I call it 3D Life. The 3D's are Delete, Delegate, and Design. I simplify your day-to-day by helping you discover what to and how to delete, delegate, and design the parts of your life that cause you the most stress.
Creating a system that frees up your time (good) and your peace of mind (better) so you can live your dream life (Hell yeah!). I promise I will let you know more information about this book soon (which I am making into an online course for your convenience).
First, I think I need to go through and get myself (back) on track. The great part about my system is that as your life and life's obstacles change, you can easily run through the system again to bring you back to simply and peacefully living your dream life.
If any of this sounds familiar, if you can relate, I probably don't need to say this last bit because you get it. But I feel like I should clarify a few points. I love my life, my kids, my home and my husband. I don't want this to post to sound like a complaint or a pity fest or pity request. When I say I don't want to put my family first I don't mean that I am quitting or letting go of my responsibilities.
Over the past 18 years I have been raising responsible and independent kids into adults. I have instilled values, taught trust, and shared love with my family in the best way I am able. I am not giving up on them. They don't need me like they did, and I should be proud of that. I should be proud enough that living for me and for my dreams will add more value, trust, and love to my family. Because I surely want them to always feel like they should pursue their dreams.
I would love to hear your comments and feedback. This was a tough post to write for me.